Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
