I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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