The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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