so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
