paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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