He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
