just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
