I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
