We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
