were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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