So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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