You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
