If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
