We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
