Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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