This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
as a side note pls kill me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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