Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
