yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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