I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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