The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
