I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
