I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
