I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
