I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
