I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
