dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
