ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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