I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
