This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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