you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
