What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
