so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
