I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
