you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
