My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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