Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
