well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
