woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
