Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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