Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
