what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
