lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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