She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
