Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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