Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
