I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
tell me about the eggs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
