dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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