I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
