She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
