Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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