get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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