i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's rum buckets o'clock
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
