If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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