He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
