apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
