Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
His nipple licking is glorious
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